Why…?

Simon Sinek wrote a book, and a speech, and an empire, around the question... It starts with Why!

I am listening to The Way of Kings, Brandon Sanderson, book 2, and Kaleden just defeat Seth son son Balano, Truthless of Shinovar. I found myself thinking how hard Kaledens life was in the story, and how he found a real smile. I then thought about Simon’s book, and I wondered...

Today, I ask myself, why?

Why do I get up in the morning when I don’t want to?

Why do I get up and do this for and with people I’m responsible for, when everything in me says to turn it app off and go to bed?

Why do I bother trying to make things better when it only makes my life harder?

Why do I keep hoping, when I’ve never seen a positive outcome for it?

The only place I ever find solace is in fictional worlds, in which magic and super powers exist.

But here I am... Getting gas, eating dinner, and trying to find motivation to do another task or two before I succumb to sleep in a few hours.

The problem is, I really don’t know why.

I know I feel responsible.

I know I feel I “must” continue.

But I don’t understand why.

I wish I had a “why” that left me feeling compelled, rather than one that left me feeling coerced and conscripted.

But I guess if it keeps me breathing another day, it’s better than nothing. So I go on...

But I wish I had a why...

I wish I woke up in the morning glad to be alive and excited for the future.

I never have. Not once that I can recall in my whole life. I’ve been entertained, distracted, and amused... But never genuinely excited.

I watch it in others, and it feels like I wish I had that.

I see glimpses of it when I write, creative fiction, even if I don’t do it very often.

Maybe someday.… Someday I’ll have a why.

Selah

Darrell Wolfe